Learned Helplessness

I chose to write about this because I often see how easily we blame ourselves for feeling stuck—when in reality, what we’re experiencing is a survival response.

Understanding learned helplessness through the lens of trauma and the nervous system can bring so much compassion and clarity.

It reminds us that what looks like passivity or indecision is often the imprint of experiences where we had no real choice. And that healing begins not with pressure to “do better,” but with safety, presence, and reconnection.

Have You Ever Felt Stuck?

Unable to make a decision, leave a relationship, say “no,” or change something in your life—even though part of you knows you could? Often, instead of taking action, we say: “I can’t,” “There’s no way,” “That’s just how I am,” or “It’s not up to me.” These responses are not just limiting beliefs. More often, they reflect a nervous system adaptation—a survival strategy known as learned helplessness, which forms in the context of trauma and a lack of agency.

What Is Learned Helplessness?

The concept was first defined in the 1960s, through experiments showing that animals repeatedly exposed to painful or uncontrollable situations eventually stopped trying to escape—even when a way out became available. The same phenomenon occurs in humans. After going through experiences where we were physically, emotionally, or relationally powerless, our body and mind can become stuck in an unconscious perception:

“There’s no point in trying. I am stuck. I don’t matter. I can’t change anything.”

Learned helplessness is a biological survival adaptation. After repeated experiences of powerlessness, we come to believe there’s no use in acting—even when we actually can.

When fear and immobility combine—especially in recurring situations—they can create a feedback loop that keeps the nervous system trapped in a traumatic state: a form of functional paralysis that may still be present in adulthood in subtle forms like: “I can’t,” “I have no energy,” “I’m not able,” “I feel stuck/trapped.”

From Childhood to Adulthood: Developmental Trauma and Learned Helplessness

When a child’s ability to protect themselves or express boundaries is repeatedly blocked, they internalize the idea that it’s safer to give up than to try.

This adaptation reflects the child’s awareness that, in order to maintain attachment with caregivers, they must suppress their needs, emotions, and authenticity.In adulthood, this pattern may manifest as passivity, indecisiveness, or disconnection from one’s own will. Learned helplessness often begins in childhood, especially in families where the child was not listened to, was shamed, hurt, ignored, or over-controlled. Sometimes these experiences are subtle but repeated—forms of emotional invalidation like: “Stop whining”, ”You are too sensitive”, ”You should not feel that way!”, “You’re ugly when you cry.” and so on.

Other times, they are more severe: abuse, abandonment, or medical procedures in which the child was held down without emotional support. In the absence of safety, release, and repair, trauma remains stored in the body.

How Can Learned Helplessness Manifest in Adult Life?

• The inability to leave a toxic relationship or an unhealthy work environment
• Chronic procrastination or avoidance of action
• The sense that “it’s not safe” to set boundaries, assert yourself, ask for what you need, or say “no”
• Giving away your personal power by letting others decide for you
• Shame, emotional numbness, passivity, or disconnection from self
• Self-sabotage or lack of initiative
• These are not willpower problems—they are trauma imprints.
• Healing Learned Helplessness

Breaking free from learned helplessness is not simply a matter of understanding it intellectually. It requires a deep process involving the nervous system, emotional processing, and the body’s innate intelligence—supporting the completion of unfinished survival responses and restoring the capacity for self-regulation.

The key to healing is not to force change, but to gently reconnect with the body, with sensations, with impulses toward movement, and with the inner freedom to choose. Conclusion

Learned helplessness is not a life sentence, but an invitation to compassion and reconnection. It’s an old message from the body—one that can be rewritten when we bring presence, movement, relationship, and safety into the places where they were once missing.

Reclaiming your personal power doesn’t mean forcing yourself. It means healing the experiences that made you believe you didn’t have any to begin with.