Toxic positivity, spiritual bypass and trauma

Why “being fine” at any cost is not healthy

Toxic positivity is the pressure to always be okay, to smile even when, inside, there is chaos. It is a form of emotional invalidation that appears when we force ourselves—or are forced—to maintain a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances.

It is a state where “positive thinking” is taken to excess, accompanied by the repression or denial of so-called negative emotions, to the point where it becomes harmful to emotional and relational health.

This attitude often shows up in phrases like:

• Think positive, everything will be fine!
• Be careful what you think—you’ll manifest it!
• Be happy, others have it worse!
• Be grateful! Everything is love!
• Stop complaining, you’re attracting negative energy!

While the intention may sound encouraging, the effect is often the opposite: real emotions are denied or minimized, and we end up feeling “wrong” for experiencing what we feel.

At first glance, toxic positivity looks like optimism and encouragement. In reality, it’s a form of avoidance. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel what we feel, we rush to “get over it,” to show that we’re fine. And we do this not because we truly are fine, but because it doesn’t feel safe to be otherwise.

Positivity becomes toxic when it is imposed, when it’s used to erase our inner reality, when we feel ashamed of our emotions, or when we rush to “fix” a feeling before truly listening to it.

When positivity dresses up as spirituality

A subtler, but very common, form of toxic positivity appears when spiritual concepts or practices are used to justify the avoidance of difficult emotions.

This is called spiritual bypassing—when we turn to ideas, concepts, or practices to avoid the emotional and human reality of our experience. It may look like a path of light, but in truth it keeps us disconnected from our emotions and from authentic processes of healing.

In this way, spirituality can become a defense mechanism, rather than a space of integration.

When we rush to forgive, to “see the lesson,” or to change our thoughts without truly feeling what we feel—without being fully present with ourselves—we risk losing contact with our inner reality.

Toxic positivity and trauma

When it comes to trauma, using spirituality to escape from pain, from the body, or from personal limits can lead to even deeper fragmentation.

A nervous system overwhelmed by trauma often stays stuck in survival states—fight, flight, or freeze. When we force it to “be fine” without really listening, we only perpetuate inner tension, hidden beneath appearances. That’s when symptoms appear: the body remains in a state of alert and tension, even if on the surface we look “zen.”

This does not mean that positivity is wrong. On the contrary—we need hope, light, and positive resources. But they become truly healing only when they are grounded in truth.

Feeling anger or sadness does not make us weak. It makes us human.
(And here I’m not talking about aggressive behaviors, but about the ability to feel the emotion itself.)

Sometimes the most courageous form of positivity is allowing ourselves to be honest about what we are living—without pretending everything is fine.

True emotional health

True emotional health is not about being “happy all the time.” It is about being able to feel and express the whole range of human experiences in a conscious, gentle, and responsible way:

• Allowing ourselves to feel whatever comes up
• Not rushing the process just because we “should be fine”
• Listening to our body and recognizing when it needs support
• Learning emotional regulation, not avoidance
• Cultivating inner safety, not emotional performance

Artificial positivity and forced spiritualization are not about light. They are about the fear of darkness.

When we learn to sit with the darkness—with difficult emotions, with uncertainty, with vulnerability—we discover not only pain, but also our capacity to feel life fully.

And that is no longer called “positivity.” It is called coherence.

A personal note

This article is not about criticizing spirituality or positive thinking in themselves. On the contrary—I believe these tools can be valuable when used with gentleness, discernment, and true connection to the self. My intention is to bring more awareness to how, at times, we may use such practices to avoid emotional pain, bypass deeper processing, or force ourselves to appear “fine” even when we are not.

It is also important to remember that what we often try to avoid or control is not the emotions themselves, but the behaviors that sometimes accompany them—like yelling, hitting, or discharging anger onto others or ourselves. But feeling an emotion does not mean acting it out.

To truly feel means staying with our inner experience, recognizing what we are going through, noticing how it feels in the body, and acknowledging the message or need it expresses. Emotions don’t need to be denied or suppressed. They also don’t need to be “dumped” onto others. They can be understood, held, and transformed—if we learn to welcome them with presence and curiosity.